Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
