So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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