Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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