every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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