She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
