is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
