I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
