If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
