i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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