he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
