I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
