I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
