M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
