I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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