There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
