Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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