i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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