quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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