are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
