i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
