It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
