Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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