there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
