I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
