highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
