Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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