I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
