hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
