I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Randomize
