just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
