I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
