I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
