I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
