You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
