he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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