I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
