i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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