The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
