the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found the puke drawer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
