Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
