New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
