Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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