Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
