you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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