i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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