this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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