this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
