I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
