You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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