My first STD was from a foam party
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
