next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
