i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
