Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
