he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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